" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Phil 3:14
The Prison Epistle letters of Paul started out as an overwhelming and a huge challenge of a class. I felt that I could not succeed in the class or be able to retain any of the information.
Along with all of the jazz of starting up classes here at Rosedale I was still (well I still am) dealing with culture shock from coming home from South Africa. I had been home for a mere two and a half weeks before shipping off to RBC. That alone was a huge weigh down.
To explain culture shock is complicated, Its like: well I was gone from the american culture for a whole year, and in a year a whole LOT changes. Its like if you were to go to a mongolian culture or something and its so weird and different and hard to live in that environment. Thats kind of how it is when I came home from South africa. I noticed things about America that i never really noticed, because i could compare differnt things to south africa and notice that america is just as different as any other country.
Like america is definitly full of more white people which is still weird at times, I feel at home when I see black people. The only exception is is that no black person here speaks Tswana or Zulu unless they are actually from that country and are here as a foreign exchange student.
Everyone here is overweight. Plus we dont have a culture where beside a huge mansion there is an informal settlement and everyone there has no running water or plumbing or heat or anything of that kind of norm. Houses are made out of scraps of timber and sheets of tin, because that is all they can afford.
Food is somewhat similar but the choices are fewer, and different. But the foods are fresher there and are not artificial but south africans do love their marshmellows and candy or sweets as they are called.
The people are so much more open and friendly. There are no cold shoulders when you are around strangers. Everyone is your friend no matter if you have ever met them or not. Everyone is your mother brother uncle sister, the world is essentially your family. Strangers is not a common word. Plus there is a big mix in culture, which i completly love. The temperature is hot, but its not humid which is SO nice.
But going back to Philippians; these past few days were just going down hill for me. I was frustrated with everything. My choices for my future, my relationship with God, class work was overwhelming, I was not a fan of life and was feeling depressed. Im not saying that in one night I am completly a different person but in some aspects I do feel so different.
Last night I sat down attempting to study for my prison pastoral epistles exam and was frustrated with everything not thinking that i could ever do the work.
I had a good talk with Eli and he suggeted that i stop the work that i was doing and go and have a quiet time.
At that point I felt like I was ready to bust out in a breakdown of some sort. So i took that time and went into my room and just spent time with God for an hour or so. I turned up some worship music turned the lights off except for the desk light and just worshiped and prayed to my jesus.
I feel like i was able to give up everything to him, everything that i was wondering about my future, all of my past pain, all of my past sins, to fully give it all up to God. To in a sense renew my relationship with Christ and re-dedicate my life. It was SO refreshing, I feel a new joy and hope in my life.
Now I feel like God is directing me to do a fast all of J-term. Its going to be big. I hope to do a rice and bean fast for 42 days. This is the length of the term. Unless God tells me its time to stop the fast I will do the entirety of 42 days. During this time I hope to have more times with God and to be able to discover what my identity is to really place my identity in Christ.
Im excited for that time.
Be praying as i pray about my coming thougts and future.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
New Beginings/South Africa
Here I am yet again, begining a new chapter in my life. Where am I at? Well folks I, Mel C am at Rosedale Bible College. I never thought that I would end up here. But you know, God tends to play a big role in the things that we do with our lives. If anyone would have asked me in this last February what I would be doing Rosedale would be on the bottom of the Infinity things to do list. As in the choice would not be recognizable. :)
God spoke to my heart tho. He changed my thoughts of RBC. Growing up in my church as children we never had a positive outlook on RBC. Rosedale was thought as a "Snooty and homeschool smart kids" type of place. A place that we never thought that we would ever fit into or enjoy. This is the point where God comes in and says hey I've got a little Ironic joke for ya. I want you to attend Rosedale for a whole year.
In my head the reaction is GAH run as fast as i can away from these instructions. Yet I decided to follow thru with Gods desire for me and attend Rosedale.
I will admit coming here straight after REACH is not the easiest transition. Well in fact its in the top five things of the hardest things that i have ever dealt with.
Coming back to America is a hard transition. Emotionally, socially, and well all of the above. Its like when you leave America to go to spend a year of your life. Those first few weeks and first month or so are a hard tranisition but you learn to adapt to the culture and learn the ways of the people. You eat, drink, smell, act out, relate, use the toiletries, learn the language. Monkey see monkey do basically. In the begining you can easily accept the cultural differences, and the freshness of new things and experiences. Everything is just hunky dory. Then you get to a stage where you are finding out more in depth the pro's and con's of that culture that life that the locals live. Discouragement and negative feelings can set in. A person can become emotional over the little things, and want to give up and go home. (Homesickness can set in during this stage) Then in the last few months you learn to accpet the differences and think that you can live here and be here forever. But then you get a flash in your head. Wait Im in REACH I have to go home now. My term is over now.
Leaving South Africa was one of the most intense feelings I have ever had. Its like your heart is a chicken breast, and it is starting to be torn in half and shredded while still raw and its sinking down deep in your chest and it hurts to swallow to breathe to drink to eat. Your fighting for air. To hold in your emotions is as easy as holding a slippery pig you cant do it. This is the feeling of your heart shattering because you are leaving the friendships that you worked so hard to gain, your leaving the culture that makes you feel at home. Nothing can heal that pain. Its the type of pain that when your heart drops so deep in your chest all a person can do is just sob and crash and weep and weep and weep, because the heart hurts so much and theres nothing you can do about it. Its like a porcelain glass heart that is smashed on the ground in one second flat and you have to gasp because it hurts so bad. This all sounds intense but this is what it felt like to leave South Africa.
Then coming home is just like heading towards south africa. We didnt know what to expect. We knew that the culture was different, things and people would have changed. But in your head you think. Home isnt supposed to change. Home is supposed to be a place of comfort and solace.
Just as you have changed over the year everything at home hasnt just frozen they've changed too.
Coming home is even worse culture shock than going to another country. At home the first two weeks are great seeing all your friends and family is a great feeling. Yet its one of the most overwhelming things to see people that you havent seen for a long time.
Being back in american culture is still weird.
To not be surrounded by black people all the time and to only see large groups of white people in malls is weird not to see all the time at home. South Africa is 80% black, a person gets used to not seeing white people that often. Plus the culture in SA is a much warmer culture. America would be considered a cold culture. People dont greet each other like they do in africa.
When greeting a person no matter if you know them or not. It always goes like this:
"Hello Mama/Uncle How is it?"
*they reply
"I'm fine and how are you? How are your family members? How is school going? How is work going?"
Then you can continue on with whatever you were walking towards.
If you know the person well it would be more like
" Hello thandi how is it?"
"Im fine how are you? How is God with you today?"
Friendships are so much deeper there. In SA everyone is your mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin. There is no labeling of friendships. Your friends are your brothers and sisters in Christ.
I miss greeting strangers with a firm handshake when passing and its not weird or awkward. I miss greeting people in Tswana or some other tribal language. I miss the accents that we tried to copy all the time. The people and their common love for everyone. How they would go far to help some one get food rather than for themself who is hungry. Be but assured that if you are working and that bell for lunch rings the person that is supposed to be there wont be there to catch it the minute that bell rings. This i love.
One big thing that we learned is that time is not of the essence in africa. Its ok to be a half hour or a couple hours late to a meeting. Or if you have a meeting scheduled its ok if it doesnt happen until a few days later. Lunch break is scheduled for a half hour but you will be sitting there for maybe an hour or so longer than that.
Home everything is overwhelming, emotions are at a high over the littlest things. One example was when we got to our first american airport and i went to a coffee place to get something i hand the guy rand and expect that he will answer back when I say Sabonga, Ey cama enxlay engengu mel C. You expect to get Im fine. Nope I got a, "Girl what words did you just say to me? Did you just call me a bad name in a different language, and whats with this funny money this is america!" That made me want to cry right there. lol.
So as a result with culture shock I will just feel emotionally drained for a few months or so. Well at least for most of Fall Semester Im guessing. :) Its normal tho, nothing to worry about.
Maybe in another blog I will talk about those emotions of being at home.
But as I wind down, I think that God planned for me to come here. So what I must do is sit here with open hands for the works that he is going to do in me while I am here.
God is good.
God spoke to my heart tho. He changed my thoughts of RBC. Growing up in my church as children we never had a positive outlook on RBC. Rosedale was thought as a "Snooty and homeschool smart kids" type of place. A place that we never thought that we would ever fit into or enjoy. This is the point where God comes in and says hey I've got a little Ironic joke for ya. I want you to attend Rosedale for a whole year.
In my head the reaction is GAH run as fast as i can away from these instructions. Yet I decided to follow thru with Gods desire for me and attend Rosedale.
I will admit coming here straight after REACH is not the easiest transition. Well in fact its in the top five things of the hardest things that i have ever dealt with.
Coming back to America is a hard transition. Emotionally, socially, and well all of the above. Its like when you leave America to go to spend a year of your life. Those first few weeks and first month or so are a hard tranisition but you learn to adapt to the culture and learn the ways of the people. You eat, drink, smell, act out, relate, use the toiletries, learn the language. Monkey see monkey do basically. In the begining you can easily accept the cultural differences, and the freshness of new things and experiences. Everything is just hunky dory. Then you get to a stage where you are finding out more in depth the pro's and con's of that culture that life that the locals live. Discouragement and negative feelings can set in. A person can become emotional over the little things, and want to give up and go home. (Homesickness can set in during this stage) Then in the last few months you learn to accpet the differences and think that you can live here and be here forever. But then you get a flash in your head. Wait Im in REACH I have to go home now. My term is over now.
Leaving South Africa was one of the most intense feelings I have ever had. Its like your heart is a chicken breast, and it is starting to be torn in half and shredded while still raw and its sinking down deep in your chest and it hurts to swallow to breathe to drink to eat. Your fighting for air. To hold in your emotions is as easy as holding a slippery pig you cant do it. This is the feeling of your heart shattering because you are leaving the friendships that you worked so hard to gain, your leaving the culture that makes you feel at home. Nothing can heal that pain. Its the type of pain that when your heart drops so deep in your chest all a person can do is just sob and crash and weep and weep and weep, because the heart hurts so much and theres nothing you can do about it. Its like a porcelain glass heart that is smashed on the ground in one second flat and you have to gasp because it hurts so bad. This all sounds intense but this is what it felt like to leave South Africa.
Then coming home is just like heading towards south africa. We didnt know what to expect. We knew that the culture was different, things and people would have changed. But in your head you think. Home isnt supposed to change. Home is supposed to be a place of comfort and solace.
Just as you have changed over the year everything at home hasnt just frozen they've changed too.
Coming home is even worse culture shock than going to another country. At home the first two weeks are great seeing all your friends and family is a great feeling. Yet its one of the most overwhelming things to see people that you havent seen for a long time.
Being back in american culture is still weird.
To not be surrounded by black people all the time and to only see large groups of white people in malls is weird not to see all the time at home. South Africa is 80% black, a person gets used to not seeing white people that often. Plus the culture in SA is a much warmer culture. America would be considered a cold culture. People dont greet each other like they do in africa.
When greeting a person no matter if you know them or not. It always goes like this:
"Hello Mama/Uncle How is it?"
*they reply
"I'm fine and how are you? How are your family members? How is school going? How is work going?"
Then you can continue on with whatever you were walking towards.
If you know the person well it would be more like
" Hello thandi how is it?"
"Im fine how are you? How is God with you today?"
Friendships are so much deeper there. In SA everyone is your mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin. There is no labeling of friendships. Your friends are your brothers and sisters in Christ.
I miss greeting strangers with a firm handshake when passing and its not weird or awkward. I miss greeting people in Tswana or some other tribal language. I miss the accents that we tried to copy all the time. The people and their common love for everyone. How they would go far to help some one get food rather than for themself who is hungry. Be but assured that if you are working and that bell for lunch rings the person that is supposed to be there wont be there to catch it the minute that bell rings. This i love.
One big thing that we learned is that time is not of the essence in africa. Its ok to be a half hour or a couple hours late to a meeting. Or if you have a meeting scheduled its ok if it doesnt happen until a few days later. Lunch break is scheduled for a half hour but you will be sitting there for maybe an hour or so longer than that.
Home everything is overwhelming, emotions are at a high over the littlest things. One example was when we got to our first american airport and i went to a coffee place to get something i hand the guy rand and expect that he will answer back when I say Sabonga, Ey cama enxlay engengu mel C. You expect to get Im fine. Nope I got a, "Girl what words did you just say to me? Did you just call me a bad name in a different language, and whats with this funny money this is america!" That made me want to cry right there. lol.
So as a result with culture shock I will just feel emotionally drained for a few months or so. Well at least for most of Fall Semester Im guessing. :) Its normal tho, nothing to worry about.
Maybe in another blog I will talk about those emotions of being at home.
But as I wind down, I think that God planned for me to come here. So what I must do is sit here with open hands for the works that he is going to do in me while I am here.
God is good.
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