- Great talks with Betsy Lee, Elisha J, Melody J, Ash M, Brand M, and Andrew M.
- All SA food.
- Rosedale memories and people who have touched my heart and life tremendously.
- The smell of the south african atmosphere.
- Basically great talks with close friends from these past three years.
- Fall weather
- Remembering laughing till our bellies hurt at the movie "stardust"
- Cake and lots of it with the team.
- and lots of celebrated tears with happy memories remembered.
- Getting super excited over talking about SA food with Melody.
- Laughing obnoxiously with Eli.
- Wretting with wendy orozco.
- late night talks in the RBC dorms.
- Traveling with wonderful people.
- Long talks in coffee shops.
- Fitting nine people into a four person car in SA.
- Milking cows by hand.
- Experiencing new food and cultures.
- Long walks around Refilwe.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sentimental day.....
What is melanie feeling sentimental about lately:
Sunday, October 10, 2010
To the Beloved Laura Garber
Two days ago a dear dear lady in my church passed away. Her name; Laura Garber.
She was a woman dear to my heart, she affected my life in so many ways. I just have to smile when I think about cute little Laura Garber. She was a small woman in stature but her heart was that of a person four times her size. She loved and accepted all, had a compassion for people that I can only hope I will have someday.
To me she was a mentor, an adopted grandmother, a person that I hope one day I can be. It breaks my heart to know that she is gone, but at the same time I feel a sense of joy because I know she did what she was meant for on this earth. She spread love and compassion so deep around us that this world was shaken by her.
I know that she's in heaven now; but even though she is gone she is still making an impact on hundreds of peoples lives.
I cherish this woman, and I love this woman. May her legacy live on forever.
*side note: she was in her 80's, she lived a great life. In fact she was supposed to get married this next week!! But the good Lord decided to take her.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Everything has changed...
My motives, my goals in life. All of this has changed since High School. God changed my path way for which I am completely thankful for.
I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for Him. Since coming home from South Africa I have asked God to continue to stir up challenges in my life to send me where He wants me to go. He has done just that.
Part of my challenges have basically been still adjusting back to the states and getting into the swing of life. In a sense, still going through re-entry. Being here in the states is a process in which God has certainly been challenging me in. When we left South Africa no part of me wanted to leave; I thought that Africa was where I was supposed to continue to be. Africa had in a sense become a safety net.
So the idea of being back in the states was not a favored idea. But yet I remain in hope that God knows what He is doing. Everything is in His hands, His control only.
It puts a smile on my face to think of how much I've changed and how it's only the beginning of the track; the race of life. The pace has been slowed down, which it should be.
Today I feel should be a marker for me. A day where I decide, do I sit here in pity that life is hard and frustrating or do I sit here and make the decision that I need to grow up and fall to my knee's for Him. Laying all of my cards on the table in surrender to Him.
No more of seeking out attention from people for my own energy, no more acting younger than my age all of the time. Of seeking out what is healthy for me, and yet can challenge me. Through out this I am not forgetting that we all learn from mistakes that we make. I am in no way a perfect person. I realize that, I wish that since I have this knowledge that my faith in God wouldn't be so shaky and selfish of me all the time.
Part of me wishes I could just learn the life lessons that I need to know now so I could just instantly grow up more. Yet in saying that, how mature is that?
Ultimately I know that what I struggle with is: trusting God, assuming everything, being full of doubt in every decision that I make.
God help me to surrender ALL of my cards, I am just a mere sinner among many. Forgive me for being so selfish. I honor you God.
Melanie
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Places Ive been at in the last three years:
South Africa (The loveliest place ever)
Here, i dedicated two years to learning more about the Bible.
HU, its where im at currently.I think to myself, how did i get here? I had never thought that I would end up at Huntington. Im amazed and in awe of all of the places that God took me, and how in the world I got here.
In high school I knew all along that I wanted to go to Bethel College and become an Elementary Teacher. I had my five year plan: Go to Bethel, meet my husband, get a job at Waterford Elementary School and live a hunky dory life for the Lord. Things changed in my senior year. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to experience what everyone had been talking about with Missions. I saw the difference that YES did for my brother Austin and I wanted that too.
So I looked around at different missions organizations and decided on REACH. How i concluded on Reach; that my mind fails to remember. I expected reach to be a wonderful fun year where I lived overseas and learned another language. As the time got closer to leaving home thats when the nerves and doubt started to fill my mind. "Was this the right timing? Was I a good enough Christian to be doing work like this? Could I keep up with my team mates?" I was filled with doubts, yet filled with excitement for what was to come.
REACH went far beyond all of my expectations. I never thought I would be facing so many of my demons; so many challenges. I was pushed past limits that I had held onto so strongly, I didn't think I could break so many things in so little time. Granted breaking old habits and broken hearts isnt just a snap of the fingers im fixed kind of thing. But I started the process of change and thats what mattered!! Training changed my life, my team changed my life; africa "ruined" who I used to be entirely. Im so glad that I was "ruined" for Jesus. Above all God did all of the work. I give all my praise to Him for the work that He did in my life during that year.
South Africa, well I could go on and on about that old boy(country) forever. :) Its hard to imagine, but when I was there I felt this sense of belonging. Like SA, was a culture that I could meld into. It was my cup of tea. Oddly I felt more at home there, than I ever had in the states where I spent my whole life! How does that happen? One can only conclude that God was doing something for me to feel that way. I fell in love with South Africa. Its been a little over two years since we left South Africa to come back to the states. That was a gut wrenching day. It wasn' t easy to leave, in a way it felt like someone broke something deep within me that day and it was pain that ive never felt before. On the plane ride home that night I was praying to God telling Him how badly I wanted to go back and live and work there. Yet God was saying something else.
I kept getting five years in my head over and over. I felt like God was saying, wait five years and see where you are. It might mean that God will call me back to South Africa then, or else it could mean that I will then be able to accept that Im not supposed to go back and im supposed to stay in missions in the states.
Once getting back home I then left within two weeks for Rosedale Bible College. Im so glad that I went there, it was a great place to transition back into the states. It was the type of bubble that I needed for re-entry. I met amazing people there that I will never forget and will always be brothers and sisters to me. I love them all dearly.
To sum this up a bit more, Im now at Huntington University; is this the right place for me? My head says ehh and God is saying yes. Just how Jonah didn't want to go to Nineveh at first and I did not want to go to more college, Im here whether I like it or not. Im not kicking or screaming about it. I love this school and the people. The idea of three more years of college just sounds so blah to me! :) If one could only inject the three years of knowledge into my head right now and hand me the diploma i would do it. :)
But I know that I am here for the experience, as well as all of the aspects that I will grow in academically and spiritually.
Its been two years since africa and I'm still going through Re-entry trying to find my place in the world and struggling with that. But I trust my God that He knows what He's doing. Im here to embrace it with open arms.
I trust you God: My feet and heart are yours!
Friday, August 14, 2009
On the lighter side
So i thought this time I would begin this blog with a few funny stories from work. (well i think their funny.) :)
Most of you probably know that when I meet people that know a language that I think i know i try and talk with them in that language. Well at the little store that i work at we have a lot of amish and hispanic customers that come in.
Like usual one day a customer came up to the register to pay for his items. He was an older man (as in older than me.), he looked to be in his 40's and he had a big long texan mustasche, the kind that hangs down past his chin, and a very long mullet. It was a pretty impressive mullet.... Anyway, he came up and didnt speak a word of english so i was thinking eh, i understand a lot of spanish i can answer in spanish. (bad idea.) Of course he was surprised that this gringa can speak any spanish at all and he gets all excited that i can understand him. He begins to ask me how i learned spanish and where from and whatnot. Then i thought he had asked me, "do you like speaking spanish?" I responded yes, then i thought that he had repeated the statement but in reality he had asked, " do you like me?" and so me thinking he had repeated it i said, "si mucho mucho." GAHHH, wrong answer. He proceeds to smile and try to ask for my number. GAHH! I just responded in english with, "whats that, oh Im coming terry." and i beat it for the back because i had no idea what to do. blehhhhh! I was not wanting to try and fix that mistake at all. lol. So, ive learned that unless i know the language fluently, i am not going to try and speak it fully. lol.
Another story that was kind of funny slash creepy was about this older black man like in his 60's. He comes in the door and the first thing he does is give me a creeper stare down smile and then comes up to my register asking where a certain kind of shampoo is, so i lead him to where its at, and then he asks where the brushes are for handsome men like himself. I just responded with the polite fake smile.
Once we got to the brushes, he turns to me and says; "why thank you, but you know what, you know what, you got a real pretty face; you could sell that face. Well dang did you know that you got such a pretty face. Dang. How old are you?" I say 20, and he responds: " well dang i thought you were in yo thirtys or somethin. Im like triple yo age. dang, well dang. I could be yo father. But, do you have a boyfriend, are you single?" Of course to get him to leave i say, "yeah i have a boyfriend, he's pretty great. His name is Je'sus." ( i tricked him and just said jesus in spanish. hehe, i thought it was smart at least. :) ) His response, "oh i see so you like hispanics, well dang. I guess I will leave then."
So quick as i could, i rang up his stuff and sent him on his way. My thought about this, " What in the world just happened?" Then i was creeped out, but i can def laugh about it now. :) It was funny if ya think about it.
So thats a little window of my what its like at my work, i re-stock shelves, ring people up on the register, try to avoid all creepy old men, and answer the phone in dutch for kicks. Its an exciting adventure. :)
Most of you probably know that when I meet people that know a language that I think i know i try and talk with them in that language. Well at the little store that i work at we have a lot of amish and hispanic customers that come in.
Like usual one day a customer came up to the register to pay for his items. He was an older man (as in older than me.), he looked to be in his 40's and he had a big long texan mustasche, the kind that hangs down past his chin, and a very long mullet. It was a pretty impressive mullet.... Anyway, he came up and didnt speak a word of english so i was thinking eh, i understand a lot of spanish i can answer in spanish. (bad idea.) Of course he was surprised that this gringa can speak any spanish at all and he gets all excited that i can understand him. He begins to ask me how i learned spanish and where from and whatnot. Then i thought he had asked me, "do you like speaking spanish?" I responded yes, then i thought that he had repeated the statement but in reality he had asked, " do you like me?" and so me thinking he had repeated it i said, "si mucho mucho." GAHHH, wrong answer. He proceeds to smile and try to ask for my number. GAHH! I just responded in english with, "whats that, oh Im coming terry." and i beat it for the back because i had no idea what to do. blehhhhh! I was not wanting to try and fix that mistake at all. lol. So, ive learned that unless i know the language fluently, i am not going to try and speak it fully. lol.
Another story that was kind of funny slash creepy was about this older black man like in his 60's. He comes in the door and the first thing he does is give me a creeper stare down smile and then comes up to my register asking where a certain kind of shampoo is, so i lead him to where its at, and then he asks where the brushes are for handsome men like himself. I just responded with the polite fake smile.
Once we got to the brushes, he turns to me and says; "why thank you, but you know what, you know what, you got a real pretty face; you could sell that face. Well dang did you know that you got such a pretty face. Dang. How old are you?" I say 20, and he responds: " well dang i thought you were in yo thirtys or somethin. Im like triple yo age. dang, well dang. I could be yo father. But, do you have a boyfriend, are you single?" Of course to get him to leave i say, "yeah i have a boyfriend, he's pretty great. His name is Je'sus." ( i tricked him and just said jesus in spanish. hehe, i thought it was smart at least. :) ) His response, "oh i see so you like hispanics, well dang. I guess I will leave then."
So quick as i could, i rang up his stuff and sent him on his way. My thought about this, " What in the world just happened?" Then i was creeped out, but i can def laugh about it now. :) It was funny if ya think about it.
So thats a little window of my what its like at my work, i re-stock shelves, ring people up on the register, try to avoid all creepy old men, and answer the phone in dutch for kicks. Its an exciting adventure. :)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Latest Update on my life.
My my it has been a while since the last time that i have written on here. I think that it is high time that i write on here again......
Well, I have been home from Rosedale a little more than a month now and have been working on "re-entering" back into home life with my family. Its definitly a growing but challenging experience being back at home on little old County Road 40. I will admit that being back at home hasnt been easy for me. I think its definitly been a time where God is telling me to slow down a bit and not be SO involved with social things. A time to really teach me about not depending on my habit of wanting to be constantly doing social things with people. I gues as well of re-learning how to have a social life that isnt automatic like college and reach is. :)
While being back at home God times definitly have become fewer and fewer........But,
I am happy to say that things have gotten much better. I think it began to get better when we had a really good communion service at my church for fathers day. It was such an eye opening sermon.
It was a time where God was really speaking to my heart. Of telling me that He understands how hard it was for me to accept the fact that i wasnt accepted into being on staff with YES ministries. I had thought that i was accepted into the program but it turned out in the end that i was not the right person for the job. So since this God has shown me that i cant just sit here and mope in the idea of failure over working with YES.
So, with Gods help i gathered the gumption to start looking at colleges once again. Even tho, while I was at RBC i was saying that oh I dont think that college is really the place for me. Im kind of thinking that actually i think it might be. But God definitly has worked through me taking steps forward at such a time as this when I dont know what I actually want to do. He worked through my trust that He would work it all out.
And you know what, He has. I got a call from a director from RMM; Todd Miller and it sounds like their may be a strong offer for a two year internship in Gazientep, Turkey. I know, WOW, right!! It is SO SO huge. The only information that I know about it so far is that I would be living with this 70 year old lady who would be my mentor. She seems to a real powerhouse of a lady. She says that she has felt this call in her life at her age to be a prayer warrior in Turkey until the day that she dies. wow, she sounds amazing already. Like this woman has lived life and here she is at her age still fully living it. wow. amazing. :)
Basically the work that i would do is go to turkish language school and take an online course in teaching english as a second language and work at the orphanage down the road, and who knows their could be a possiblilty of hosting future REACH teams and as well go to an english college in the area and have that be a source of outreach as well as i would make friendships there. :) All of this is so big, and I mean Im still processing it all in my mind. I think right now until i find out more information about what is going to happen I am on the fence of going to college and doing this thing in turkey.
So be praying for me folks as I begin to make huge life pin point decisions.
Well, I have been home from Rosedale a little more than a month now and have been working on "re-entering" back into home life with my family. Its definitly a growing but challenging experience being back at home on little old County Road 40. I will admit that being back at home hasnt been easy for me. I think its definitly been a time where God is telling me to slow down a bit and not be SO involved with social things. A time to really teach me about not depending on my habit of wanting to be constantly doing social things with people. I gues as well of re-learning how to have a social life that isnt automatic like college and reach is. :)
While being back at home God times definitly have become fewer and fewer........But,
I am happy to say that things have gotten much better. I think it began to get better when we had a really good communion service at my church for fathers day. It was such an eye opening sermon.
It was a time where God was really speaking to my heart. Of telling me that He understands how hard it was for me to accept the fact that i wasnt accepted into being on staff with YES ministries. I had thought that i was accepted into the program but it turned out in the end that i was not the right person for the job. So since this God has shown me that i cant just sit here and mope in the idea of failure over working with YES.
So, with Gods help i gathered the gumption to start looking at colleges once again. Even tho, while I was at RBC i was saying that oh I dont think that college is really the place for me. Im kind of thinking that actually i think it might be. But God definitly has worked through me taking steps forward at such a time as this when I dont know what I actually want to do. He worked through my trust that He would work it all out.
And you know what, He has. I got a call from a director from RMM; Todd Miller and it sounds like their may be a strong offer for a two year internship in Gazientep, Turkey. I know, WOW, right!! It is SO SO huge. The only information that I know about it so far is that I would be living with this 70 year old lady who would be my mentor. She seems to a real powerhouse of a lady. She says that she has felt this call in her life at her age to be a prayer warrior in Turkey until the day that she dies. wow, she sounds amazing already. Like this woman has lived life and here she is at her age still fully living it. wow. amazing. :)
Basically the work that i would do is go to turkish language school and take an online course in teaching english as a second language and work at the orphanage down the road, and who knows their could be a possiblilty of hosting future REACH teams and as well go to an english college in the area and have that be a source of outreach as well as i would make friendships there. :) All of this is so big, and I mean Im still processing it all in my mind. I think right now until i find out more information about what is going to happen I am on the fence of going to college and doing this thing in turkey.
So be praying for me folks as I begin to make huge life pin point decisions.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Latest Aspirations
In my life I have been trying to discern what I want to do with my life and where God is leading me to go. This week my ideas of what i want to do is: Either do missions with some program for a year, or go to a missions college in pasedena or Minnesota. Or else go to huntington university for some major which i would have no idea what i would do it on.
I have been googling different missions programs and so far I have seen one program that i liked which it was called "Thrive". This program entails a one year internship near Johannesburg. Which I would have training and bible classes in the morning and then later in the day i would go out and teach bible lessons or run a bible school. Then as well be teaching community leaders different biblical skills that they can convey to their people. One smaller aspect is that we would do little medical trips in the settlements and be working in the local schools.
It sounds really interesting to me, plus on my vacation that i would take i would want to go and visit Refilwe, (the place where my team spent our outreach.)
I feel like their must be a reason of why all i can think of every day is south africa and the feeling that i need to return to the country that i cant get out of my head. Either its just an emotional connection that is calling me back, or it truly is God that is calling me back.
I had good conversation with a friend that when we are trying to decide what to do with our lives, its good to try and discern what God wants for us in our lives. But then we have to realize that we do have to make a choice and God will not always come to us in some big prophetic dream or something of the sort. We may not get some big sign that we want. God may want us to decide and what ever we decide God will still teach and bless us through anything that we decide. So we need to stand as strong christians and just put a trust in ourselves and in what we feel God is calling us to do.
Im still at Rosedale right now, and its been good but hard at the same time. I mean when is college not hard. At times i do feel a bit depressed that life here in america is still stinky and just not enjoyable any more. That the only way i can truly be happy is if im back in SA. Which completely is not the answer. I need to be able to find a sense of "ok-ness" with being back at home. But now that i have experienced the world for an extended amount of time, home is not really home anymore. The world is now my home.
So as I am here at rosedale every other week i have been fasting from something different. The first week i started out by just doing liquids but since i am hypoglycemic i got really sick from doing that, so after the third day i decided to do a rice and bean fast for the rest of the week. That was really good. It was a dry time in my week with God, but at the end God helped me to see that i need to stop looking into the future and just take one day at a time. So then i skipped a week and then will do a fast this week and then skip a week and so on until it equals 40 days. Im so very ready for it. I wanted to do rice and beans this week, but you know you are poor when you cant afford to go on a rice and bean fast. lol. In result i have decided to fast from facebook which is hard. But i mean its an internet site that i seem to not be able to go a few hours without not checking. In result i am not going to look or check it until noon next monday. I know i can do it, it will be good for me. :)
Once i get paid this friday i will be paying back a handful of people and then buy rice and beans that will last me for like three weeks and then cook them at the begining of each week that i am doing the fast so that i will have a stock and not have to buy anymore. I cant wait to see the end of this.
Keep pourin on the prayers Jesus. Love you
I have been googling different missions programs and so far I have seen one program that i liked which it was called "Thrive". This program entails a one year internship near Johannesburg. Which I would have training and bible classes in the morning and then later in the day i would go out and teach bible lessons or run a bible school. Then as well be teaching community leaders different biblical skills that they can convey to their people. One smaller aspect is that we would do little medical trips in the settlements and be working in the local schools.
It sounds really interesting to me, plus on my vacation that i would take i would want to go and visit Refilwe, (the place where my team spent our outreach.)
I feel like their must be a reason of why all i can think of every day is south africa and the feeling that i need to return to the country that i cant get out of my head. Either its just an emotional connection that is calling me back, or it truly is God that is calling me back.
I had good conversation with a friend that when we are trying to decide what to do with our lives, its good to try and discern what God wants for us in our lives. But then we have to realize that we do have to make a choice and God will not always come to us in some big prophetic dream or something of the sort. We may not get some big sign that we want. God may want us to decide and what ever we decide God will still teach and bless us through anything that we decide. So we need to stand as strong christians and just put a trust in ourselves and in what we feel God is calling us to do.
Im still at Rosedale right now, and its been good but hard at the same time. I mean when is college not hard. At times i do feel a bit depressed that life here in america is still stinky and just not enjoyable any more. That the only way i can truly be happy is if im back in SA. Which completely is not the answer. I need to be able to find a sense of "ok-ness" with being back at home. But now that i have experienced the world for an extended amount of time, home is not really home anymore. The world is now my home.
So as I am here at rosedale every other week i have been fasting from something different. The first week i started out by just doing liquids but since i am hypoglycemic i got really sick from doing that, so after the third day i decided to do a rice and bean fast for the rest of the week. That was really good. It was a dry time in my week with God, but at the end God helped me to see that i need to stop looking into the future and just take one day at a time. So then i skipped a week and then will do a fast this week and then skip a week and so on until it equals 40 days. Im so very ready for it. I wanted to do rice and beans this week, but you know you are poor when you cant afford to go on a rice and bean fast. lol. In result i have decided to fast from facebook which is hard. But i mean its an internet site that i seem to not be able to go a few hours without not checking. In result i am not going to look or check it until noon next monday. I know i can do it, it will be good for me. :)
Once i get paid this friday i will be paying back a handful of people and then buy rice and beans that will last me for like three weeks and then cook them at the begining of each week that i am doing the fast so that i will have a stock and not have to buy anymore. I cant wait to see the end of this.
Keep pourin on the prayers Jesus. Love you
Monday, January 12, 2009
New Term at Rosedale
I have just started my second week here at Rosedale. Ive been thinking about a lot of things while I have been here. Ive had some good conversations, but I have been pondering what my relationship with Christ is. Also of who I really am in Christ, like what my identity is in Him. I feel that I still struggle with Culture shock at times. In training they told us that its a six to twelve month process. I have my bad days, and I have my good days. Part of it has been struggling with depression qualities. I feel so much frustration but then the next hour I will feel happy and like nothing is really wrong. But I havent had any God times. So what I need to do is work on self discipline with my quiet times, and with the things that I do daily. Its like I have this fear or something of the sort of gaining new responsibility. Growing up in our house I had adult responsibilities at a young age, I didnt have the entirety of a childhood. So now that I am away from the home environment I have to start taking on more adult responisbilities. That scares me, its like now that I am away I want to have that childhood stage. Yet I know I am at the age that most people will start taking on the normal adult responsiblities. I know I need to just do it, and accept it all. With a result of all of this thinking I know that I needed to do something about it, so I have begun to do a fast. The fast consists of fasting a week and only having liquids and then the next week eat normal for the most part and then the next week fast again and continue on until the weeks add up to equal 40 days. So it will take me about two months to do. I will begin doing more quiet times and whatnot. Im very ready for it.
The first day wasnt bad at all, It went pretty well actually. But im told its the second day that kind of stinks. I can handle it though. As well this weekend at RBC is a spiritual revival weekend. Starting from thursday to monday morning. It seems ironic that i start fasting this week and know that this revival is coming up. Im so glad.
Be praying that God will be evident to me as I spend these weeks fasting.
The first day wasnt bad at all, It went pretty well actually. But im told its the second day that kind of stinks. I can handle it though. As well this weekend at RBC is a spiritual revival weekend. Starting from thursday to monday morning. It seems ironic that i start fasting this week and know that this revival is coming up. Im so glad.
Be praying that God will be evident to me as I spend these weeks fasting.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Philippians 3:14 A Day of days
" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Phil 3:14
The Prison Epistle letters of Paul started out as an overwhelming and a huge challenge of a class. I felt that I could not succeed in the class or be able to retain any of the information.
Along with all of the jazz of starting up classes here at Rosedale I was still (well I still am) dealing with culture shock from coming home from South Africa. I had been home for a mere two and a half weeks before shipping off to RBC. That alone was a huge weigh down.
To explain culture shock is complicated, Its like: well I was gone from the american culture for a whole year, and in a year a whole LOT changes. Its like if you were to go to a mongolian culture or something and its so weird and different and hard to live in that environment. Thats kind of how it is when I came home from South africa. I noticed things about America that i never really noticed, because i could compare differnt things to south africa and notice that america is just as different as any other country.
Like america is definitly full of more white people which is still weird at times, I feel at home when I see black people. The only exception is is that no black person here speaks Tswana or Zulu unless they are actually from that country and are here as a foreign exchange student.
Everyone here is overweight. Plus we dont have a culture where beside a huge mansion there is an informal settlement and everyone there has no running water or plumbing or heat or anything of that kind of norm. Houses are made out of scraps of timber and sheets of tin, because that is all they can afford.
Food is somewhat similar but the choices are fewer, and different. But the foods are fresher there and are not artificial but south africans do love their marshmellows and candy or sweets as they are called.
The people are so much more open and friendly. There are no cold shoulders when you are around strangers. Everyone is your friend no matter if you have ever met them or not. Everyone is your mother brother uncle sister, the world is essentially your family. Strangers is not a common word. Plus there is a big mix in culture, which i completly love. The temperature is hot, but its not humid which is SO nice.
But going back to Philippians; these past few days were just going down hill for me. I was frustrated with everything. My choices for my future, my relationship with God, class work was overwhelming, I was not a fan of life and was feeling depressed. Im not saying that in one night I am completly a different person but in some aspects I do feel so different.
Last night I sat down attempting to study for my prison pastoral epistles exam and was frustrated with everything not thinking that i could ever do the work.
I had a good talk with Eli and he suggeted that i stop the work that i was doing and go and have a quiet time.
At that point I felt like I was ready to bust out in a breakdown of some sort. So i took that time and went into my room and just spent time with God for an hour or so. I turned up some worship music turned the lights off except for the desk light and just worshiped and prayed to my jesus.
I feel like i was able to give up everything to him, everything that i was wondering about my future, all of my past pain, all of my past sins, to fully give it all up to God. To in a sense renew my relationship with Christ and re-dedicate my life. It was SO refreshing, I feel a new joy and hope in my life.
Now I feel like God is directing me to do a fast all of J-term. Its going to be big. I hope to do a rice and bean fast for 42 days. This is the length of the term. Unless God tells me its time to stop the fast I will do the entirety of 42 days. During this time I hope to have more times with God and to be able to discover what my identity is to really place my identity in Christ.
Im excited for that time.
Be praying as i pray about my coming thougts and future.
The Prison Epistle letters of Paul started out as an overwhelming and a huge challenge of a class. I felt that I could not succeed in the class or be able to retain any of the information.
Along with all of the jazz of starting up classes here at Rosedale I was still (well I still am) dealing with culture shock from coming home from South Africa. I had been home for a mere two and a half weeks before shipping off to RBC. That alone was a huge weigh down.
To explain culture shock is complicated, Its like: well I was gone from the american culture for a whole year, and in a year a whole LOT changes. Its like if you were to go to a mongolian culture or something and its so weird and different and hard to live in that environment. Thats kind of how it is when I came home from South africa. I noticed things about America that i never really noticed, because i could compare differnt things to south africa and notice that america is just as different as any other country.
Like america is definitly full of more white people which is still weird at times, I feel at home when I see black people. The only exception is is that no black person here speaks Tswana or Zulu unless they are actually from that country and are here as a foreign exchange student.
Everyone here is overweight. Plus we dont have a culture where beside a huge mansion there is an informal settlement and everyone there has no running water or plumbing or heat or anything of that kind of norm. Houses are made out of scraps of timber and sheets of tin, because that is all they can afford.
Food is somewhat similar but the choices are fewer, and different. But the foods are fresher there and are not artificial but south africans do love their marshmellows and candy or sweets as they are called.
The people are so much more open and friendly. There are no cold shoulders when you are around strangers. Everyone is your friend no matter if you have ever met them or not. Everyone is your mother brother uncle sister, the world is essentially your family. Strangers is not a common word. Plus there is a big mix in culture, which i completly love. The temperature is hot, but its not humid which is SO nice.
But going back to Philippians; these past few days were just going down hill for me. I was frustrated with everything. My choices for my future, my relationship with God, class work was overwhelming, I was not a fan of life and was feeling depressed. Im not saying that in one night I am completly a different person but in some aspects I do feel so different.
Last night I sat down attempting to study for my prison pastoral epistles exam and was frustrated with everything not thinking that i could ever do the work.
I had a good talk with Eli and he suggeted that i stop the work that i was doing and go and have a quiet time.
At that point I felt like I was ready to bust out in a breakdown of some sort. So i took that time and went into my room and just spent time with God for an hour or so. I turned up some worship music turned the lights off except for the desk light and just worshiped and prayed to my jesus.
I feel like i was able to give up everything to him, everything that i was wondering about my future, all of my past pain, all of my past sins, to fully give it all up to God. To in a sense renew my relationship with Christ and re-dedicate my life. It was SO refreshing, I feel a new joy and hope in my life.
Now I feel like God is directing me to do a fast all of J-term. Its going to be big. I hope to do a rice and bean fast for 42 days. This is the length of the term. Unless God tells me its time to stop the fast I will do the entirety of 42 days. During this time I hope to have more times with God and to be able to discover what my identity is to really place my identity in Christ.
Im excited for that time.
Be praying as i pray about my coming thougts and future.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
New Beginings/South Africa
Here I am yet again, begining a new chapter in my life. Where am I at? Well folks I, Mel C am at Rosedale Bible College. I never thought that I would end up here. But you know, God tends to play a big role in the things that we do with our lives. If anyone would have asked me in this last February what I would be doing Rosedale would be on the bottom of the Infinity things to do list. As in the choice would not be recognizable. :)
God spoke to my heart tho. He changed my thoughts of RBC. Growing up in my church as children we never had a positive outlook on RBC. Rosedale was thought as a "Snooty and homeschool smart kids" type of place. A place that we never thought that we would ever fit into or enjoy. This is the point where God comes in and says hey I've got a little Ironic joke for ya. I want you to attend Rosedale for a whole year.
In my head the reaction is GAH run as fast as i can away from these instructions. Yet I decided to follow thru with Gods desire for me and attend Rosedale.
I will admit coming here straight after REACH is not the easiest transition. Well in fact its in the top five things of the hardest things that i have ever dealt with.
Coming back to America is a hard transition. Emotionally, socially, and well all of the above. Its like when you leave America to go to spend a year of your life. Those first few weeks and first month or so are a hard tranisition but you learn to adapt to the culture and learn the ways of the people. You eat, drink, smell, act out, relate, use the toiletries, learn the language. Monkey see monkey do basically. In the begining you can easily accept the cultural differences, and the freshness of new things and experiences. Everything is just hunky dory. Then you get to a stage where you are finding out more in depth the pro's and con's of that culture that life that the locals live. Discouragement and negative feelings can set in. A person can become emotional over the little things, and want to give up and go home. (Homesickness can set in during this stage) Then in the last few months you learn to accpet the differences and think that you can live here and be here forever. But then you get a flash in your head. Wait Im in REACH I have to go home now. My term is over now.
Leaving South Africa was one of the most intense feelings I have ever had. Its like your heart is a chicken breast, and it is starting to be torn in half and shredded while still raw and its sinking down deep in your chest and it hurts to swallow to breathe to drink to eat. Your fighting for air. To hold in your emotions is as easy as holding a slippery pig you cant do it. This is the feeling of your heart shattering because you are leaving the friendships that you worked so hard to gain, your leaving the culture that makes you feel at home. Nothing can heal that pain. Its the type of pain that when your heart drops so deep in your chest all a person can do is just sob and crash and weep and weep and weep, because the heart hurts so much and theres nothing you can do about it. Its like a porcelain glass heart that is smashed on the ground in one second flat and you have to gasp because it hurts so bad. This all sounds intense but this is what it felt like to leave South Africa.
Then coming home is just like heading towards south africa. We didnt know what to expect. We knew that the culture was different, things and people would have changed. But in your head you think. Home isnt supposed to change. Home is supposed to be a place of comfort and solace.
Just as you have changed over the year everything at home hasnt just frozen they've changed too.
Coming home is even worse culture shock than going to another country. At home the first two weeks are great seeing all your friends and family is a great feeling. Yet its one of the most overwhelming things to see people that you havent seen for a long time.
Being back in american culture is still weird.
To not be surrounded by black people all the time and to only see large groups of white people in malls is weird not to see all the time at home. South Africa is 80% black, a person gets used to not seeing white people that often. Plus the culture in SA is a much warmer culture. America would be considered a cold culture. People dont greet each other like they do in africa.
When greeting a person no matter if you know them or not. It always goes like this:
"Hello Mama/Uncle How is it?"
*they reply
"I'm fine and how are you? How are your family members? How is school going? How is work going?"
Then you can continue on with whatever you were walking towards.
If you know the person well it would be more like
" Hello thandi how is it?"
"Im fine how are you? How is God with you today?"
Friendships are so much deeper there. In SA everyone is your mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin. There is no labeling of friendships. Your friends are your brothers and sisters in Christ.
I miss greeting strangers with a firm handshake when passing and its not weird or awkward. I miss greeting people in Tswana or some other tribal language. I miss the accents that we tried to copy all the time. The people and their common love for everyone. How they would go far to help some one get food rather than for themself who is hungry. Be but assured that if you are working and that bell for lunch rings the person that is supposed to be there wont be there to catch it the minute that bell rings. This i love.
One big thing that we learned is that time is not of the essence in africa. Its ok to be a half hour or a couple hours late to a meeting. Or if you have a meeting scheduled its ok if it doesnt happen until a few days later. Lunch break is scheduled for a half hour but you will be sitting there for maybe an hour or so longer than that.
Home everything is overwhelming, emotions are at a high over the littlest things. One example was when we got to our first american airport and i went to a coffee place to get something i hand the guy rand and expect that he will answer back when I say Sabonga, Ey cama enxlay engengu mel C. You expect to get Im fine. Nope I got a, "Girl what words did you just say to me? Did you just call me a bad name in a different language, and whats with this funny money this is america!" That made me want to cry right there. lol.
So as a result with culture shock I will just feel emotionally drained for a few months or so. Well at least for most of Fall Semester Im guessing. :) Its normal tho, nothing to worry about.
Maybe in another blog I will talk about those emotions of being at home.
But as I wind down, I think that God planned for me to come here. So what I must do is sit here with open hands for the works that he is going to do in me while I am here.
God is good.
God spoke to my heart tho. He changed my thoughts of RBC. Growing up in my church as children we never had a positive outlook on RBC. Rosedale was thought as a "Snooty and homeschool smart kids" type of place. A place that we never thought that we would ever fit into or enjoy. This is the point where God comes in and says hey I've got a little Ironic joke for ya. I want you to attend Rosedale for a whole year.
In my head the reaction is GAH run as fast as i can away from these instructions. Yet I decided to follow thru with Gods desire for me and attend Rosedale.
I will admit coming here straight after REACH is not the easiest transition. Well in fact its in the top five things of the hardest things that i have ever dealt with.
Coming back to America is a hard transition. Emotionally, socially, and well all of the above. Its like when you leave America to go to spend a year of your life. Those first few weeks and first month or so are a hard tranisition but you learn to adapt to the culture and learn the ways of the people. You eat, drink, smell, act out, relate, use the toiletries, learn the language. Monkey see monkey do basically. In the begining you can easily accept the cultural differences, and the freshness of new things and experiences. Everything is just hunky dory. Then you get to a stage where you are finding out more in depth the pro's and con's of that culture that life that the locals live. Discouragement and negative feelings can set in. A person can become emotional over the little things, and want to give up and go home. (Homesickness can set in during this stage) Then in the last few months you learn to accpet the differences and think that you can live here and be here forever. But then you get a flash in your head. Wait Im in REACH I have to go home now. My term is over now.
Leaving South Africa was one of the most intense feelings I have ever had. Its like your heart is a chicken breast, and it is starting to be torn in half and shredded while still raw and its sinking down deep in your chest and it hurts to swallow to breathe to drink to eat. Your fighting for air. To hold in your emotions is as easy as holding a slippery pig you cant do it. This is the feeling of your heart shattering because you are leaving the friendships that you worked so hard to gain, your leaving the culture that makes you feel at home. Nothing can heal that pain. Its the type of pain that when your heart drops so deep in your chest all a person can do is just sob and crash and weep and weep and weep, because the heart hurts so much and theres nothing you can do about it. Its like a porcelain glass heart that is smashed on the ground in one second flat and you have to gasp because it hurts so bad. This all sounds intense but this is what it felt like to leave South Africa.
Then coming home is just like heading towards south africa. We didnt know what to expect. We knew that the culture was different, things and people would have changed. But in your head you think. Home isnt supposed to change. Home is supposed to be a place of comfort and solace.
Just as you have changed over the year everything at home hasnt just frozen they've changed too.
Coming home is even worse culture shock than going to another country. At home the first two weeks are great seeing all your friends and family is a great feeling. Yet its one of the most overwhelming things to see people that you havent seen for a long time.
Being back in american culture is still weird.
To not be surrounded by black people all the time and to only see large groups of white people in malls is weird not to see all the time at home. South Africa is 80% black, a person gets used to not seeing white people that often. Plus the culture in SA is a much warmer culture. America would be considered a cold culture. People dont greet each other like they do in africa.
When greeting a person no matter if you know them or not. It always goes like this:
"Hello Mama/Uncle How is it?"
*they reply
"I'm fine and how are you? How are your family members? How is school going? How is work going?"
Then you can continue on with whatever you were walking towards.
If you know the person well it would be more like
" Hello thandi how is it?"
"Im fine how are you? How is God with you today?"
Friendships are so much deeper there. In SA everyone is your mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin. There is no labeling of friendships. Your friends are your brothers and sisters in Christ.
I miss greeting strangers with a firm handshake when passing and its not weird or awkward. I miss greeting people in Tswana or some other tribal language. I miss the accents that we tried to copy all the time. The people and their common love for everyone. How they would go far to help some one get food rather than for themself who is hungry. Be but assured that if you are working and that bell for lunch rings the person that is supposed to be there wont be there to catch it the minute that bell rings. This i love.
One big thing that we learned is that time is not of the essence in africa. Its ok to be a half hour or a couple hours late to a meeting. Or if you have a meeting scheduled its ok if it doesnt happen until a few days later. Lunch break is scheduled for a half hour but you will be sitting there for maybe an hour or so longer than that.
Home everything is overwhelming, emotions are at a high over the littlest things. One example was when we got to our first american airport and i went to a coffee place to get something i hand the guy rand and expect that he will answer back when I say Sabonga, Ey cama enxlay engengu mel C. You expect to get Im fine. Nope I got a, "Girl what words did you just say to me? Did you just call me a bad name in a different language, and whats with this funny money this is america!" That made me want to cry right there. lol.
So as a result with culture shock I will just feel emotionally drained for a few months or so. Well at least for most of Fall Semester Im guessing. :) Its normal tho, nothing to worry about.
Maybe in another blog I will talk about those emotions of being at home.
But as I wind down, I think that God planned for me to come here. So what I must do is sit here with open hands for the works that he is going to do in me while I am here.
God is good.
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