Philippians 3:14 A Day of days

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Phil 3:14

The Prison Epistle letters of Paul started out as an overwhelming and a huge challenge of a class. I felt that I could not succeed in the class or be able to retain any of the information.
Along with all of the jazz of starting up classes here at Rosedale I was still (well I still am) dealing with culture shock from coming home from South Africa. I had been home for a mere two and a half weeks before shipping off to RBC. That alone was a huge weigh down.
To explain culture shock is complicated, Its like: well I was gone from the american culture for a whole year, and in a year a whole LOT changes. Its like if you were to go to a mongolian culture or something and its so weird and different and hard to live in that environment. Thats kind of how it is when I came home from South africa. I noticed things about America that i never really noticed, because i could compare differnt things to south africa and notice that america is just as different as any other country.

Like america is definitly full of more white people which is still weird at times, I feel at home when I see black people. The only exception is is that no black person here speaks Tswana or Zulu unless they are actually from that country and are here as a foreign exchange student.
Everyone here is overweight. Plus we dont have a culture where beside a huge mansion there is an informal settlement and everyone there has no running water or plumbing or heat or anything of that kind of norm. Houses are made out of scraps of timber and sheets of tin, because that is all they can afford.

Food is somewhat similar but the choices are fewer, and different. But the foods are fresher there and are not artificial but south africans do love their marshmellows and candy or sweets as they are called.

The people are so much more open and friendly. There are no cold shoulders when you are around strangers. Everyone is your friend no matter if you have ever met them or not. Everyone is your mother brother uncle sister, the world is essentially your family. Strangers is not a common word. Plus there is a big mix in culture, which i completly love. The temperature is hot, but its not humid which is SO nice.

But going back to Philippians; these past few days were just going down hill for me. I was frustrated with everything. My choices for my future, my relationship with God, class work was overwhelming, I was not a fan of life and was feeling depressed. Im not saying that in one night I am completly a different person but in some aspects I do feel so different.

Last night I sat down attempting to study for my prison pastoral epistles exam and was frustrated with everything not thinking that i could ever do the work.
I had a good talk with Eli and he suggeted that i stop the work that i was doing and go and have a quiet time.

At that point I felt like I was ready to bust out in a breakdown of some sort. So i took that time and went into my room and just spent time with God for an hour or so. I turned up some worship music turned the lights off except for the desk light and just worshiped and prayed to my jesus.

I feel like i was able to give up everything to him, everything that i was wondering about my future, all of my past pain, all of my past sins, to fully give it all up to God. To in a sense renew my relationship with Christ and re-dedicate my life. It was SO refreshing, I feel a new joy and hope in my life.

Now I feel like God is directing me to do a fast all of J-term. Its going to be big. I hope to do a rice and bean fast for 42 days. This is the length of the term. Unless God tells me its time to stop the fast I will do the entirety of 42 days. During this time I hope to have more times with God and to be able to discover what my identity is to really place my identity in Christ.

Im excited for that time.

Be praying as i pray about my coming thougts and future.