Latest Aspirations

In my life I have been trying to discern what I want to do with my life and where God is leading me to go. This week my ideas of what i want to do is: Either do missions with some program for a year, or go to a missions college in pasedena or Minnesota. Or else go to huntington university for some major which i would have no idea what i would do it on.
I have been googling different missions programs and so far I have seen one program that i liked which it was called "Thrive". This program entails a one year internship near Johannesburg. Which I would have training and bible classes in the morning and then later in the day i would go out and teach bible lessons or run a bible school. Then as well be teaching community leaders different biblical skills that they can convey to their people. One smaller aspect is that we would do little medical trips in the settlements and be working in the local schools.
It sounds really interesting to me, plus on my vacation that i would take i would want to go and visit Refilwe, (the place where my team spent our outreach.)

I feel like their must be a reason of why all i can think of every day is south africa and the feeling that i need to return to the country that i cant get out of my head. Either its just an emotional connection that is calling me back, or it truly is God that is calling me back.

I had good conversation with a friend that when we are trying to decide what to do with our lives, its good to try and discern what God wants for us in our lives. But then we have to realize that we do have to make a choice and God will not always come to us in some big prophetic dream or something of the sort. We may not get some big sign that we want. God may want us to decide and what ever we decide God will still teach and bless us through anything that we decide. So we need to stand as strong christians and just put a trust in ourselves and in what we feel God is calling us to do.

Im still at Rosedale right now, and its been good but hard at the same time. I mean when is college not hard. At times i do feel a bit depressed that life here in america is still stinky and just not enjoyable any more. That the only way i can truly be happy is if im back in SA. Which completely is not the answer. I need to be able to find a sense of "ok-ness" with being back at home. But now that i have experienced the world for an extended amount of time, home is not really home anymore. The world is now my home.

So as I am here at rosedale every other week i have been fasting from something different. The first week i started out by just doing liquids but since i am hypoglycemic i got really sick from doing that, so after the third day i decided to do a rice and bean fast for the rest of the week. That was really good. It was a dry time in my week with God, but at the end God helped me to see that i need to stop looking into the future and just take one day at a time. So then i skipped a week and then will do a fast this week and then skip a week and so on until it equals 40 days. Im so very ready for it. I wanted to do rice and beans this week, but you know you are poor when you cant afford to go on a rice and bean fast. lol. In result i have decided to fast from facebook which is hard. But i mean its an internet site that i seem to not be able to go a few hours without not checking. In result i am not going to look or check it until noon next monday. I know i can do it, it will be good for me. :)
Once i get paid this friday i will be paying back a handful of people and then buy rice and beans that will last me for like three weeks and then cook them at the begining of each week that i am doing the fast so that i will have a stock and not have to buy anymore. I cant wait to see the end of this.

Keep pourin on the prayers Jesus. Love you

New Term at Rosedale

I have just started my second week here at Rosedale. Ive been thinking about a lot of things while I have been here. Ive had some good conversations, but I have been pondering what my relationship with Christ is. Also of who I really am in Christ, like what my identity is in Him. I feel that I still struggle with Culture shock at times. In training they told us that its a six to twelve month process. I have my bad days, and I have my good days. Part of it has been struggling with depression qualities. I feel so much frustration but then the next hour I will feel happy and like nothing is really wrong. But I havent had any God times. So what I need to do is work on self discipline with my quiet times, and with the things that I do daily. Its like I have this fear or something of the sort of gaining new responsibility. Growing up in our house I had adult responsibilities at a young age, I didnt have the entirety of a childhood. So now that I am away from the home environment I have to start taking on more adult responisbilities. That scares me, its like now that I am away I want to have that childhood stage. Yet I know I am at the age that most people will start taking on the normal adult responsiblities. I know I need to just do it, and accept it all. With a result of all of this thinking I know that I needed to do something about it, so I have begun to do a fast. The fast consists of fasting a week and only having liquids and then the next week eat normal for the most part and then the next week fast again and continue on until the weeks add up to equal 40 days. So it will take me about two months to do. I will begin doing more quiet times and whatnot. Im very ready for it.

The first day wasnt bad at all, It went pretty well actually. But im told its the second day that kind of stinks. I can handle it though. As well this weekend at RBC is a spiritual revival weekend. Starting from thursday to monday morning. It seems ironic that i start fasting this week and know that this revival is coming up. Im so glad.

Be praying that God will be evident to me as I spend these weeks fasting.