Everything has changed...

My motives, my goals in life. All of this has changed since High School. God changed my path way for which I am completely thankful for.

I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for Him. Since coming home from South Africa I have asked God to continue to stir up challenges in my life to send me where He wants me to go. He has done just that.

Part of my challenges have basically been still adjusting back to the states and getting into the swing of life. In a sense, still going through re-entry. Being here in the states is a process in which God has certainly been challenging me in. When we left South Africa no part of me wanted to leave; I thought that Africa was where I was supposed to continue to be. Africa had in a sense become a safety net.

So the idea of being back in the states was not a favored idea. But yet I remain in hope that God knows what He is doing. Everything is in His hands, His control only.

It puts a smile on my face to think of how much I've changed and how it's only the beginning of the track; the race of life. The pace has been slowed down, which it should be.

Today I feel should be a marker for me. A day where I decide, do I sit here in pity that life is hard and frustrating or do I sit here and make the decision that I need to grow up and fall to my knee's for Him. Laying all of my cards on the table in surrender to Him.

No more of seeking out attention from people for my own energy, no more acting younger than my age all of the time. Of seeking out what is healthy for me, and yet can challenge me. Through out this I am not forgetting that we all learn from mistakes that we make. I am in no way a perfect person. I realize that, I wish that since I have this knowledge that my faith in God wouldn't be so shaky and selfish of me all the time.

Part of me wishes I could just learn the life lessons that I need to know now so I could just instantly grow up more. Yet in saying that, how mature is that?

Ultimately I know that what I struggle with is: trusting God, assuming everything, being full of doubt in every decision that I make.

God help me to surrender ALL of my cards, I am just a mere sinner among many. Forgive me for being so selfish. I honor you God.

Melanie